she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
