Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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