Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
