i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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