I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
