Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
