Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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