I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I will be naked everywhere
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
