Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize