Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
