Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
