You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
