yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize