Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
