He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
