Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
