Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
