We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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