I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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