I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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