They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
