At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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