Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
As shirtless as possible
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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