if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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