What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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