come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize