I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
