I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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