Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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