Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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