Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
