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Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
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last night I used snow as a chaser
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
