at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
