I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
