Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
