in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize