Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
