ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
