never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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