Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
