hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
