I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
