So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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