Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
