What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
