Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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