theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize