He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
