the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
