somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
