So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
