But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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