i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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