Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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