with your own penis?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
