ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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