After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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