I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
