dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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