my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
