I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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