he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
