The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
