one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
