Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
BRING THE BAGELS
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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