Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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