I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
