Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
