Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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