I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
