Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
