You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
