i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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