I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
