dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
