mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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