Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
