..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
it's like iHOP with fire
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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