There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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