whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
