Moan for me like Helen Keller
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize