Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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