LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
