I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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