I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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