his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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