we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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