i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
