Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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