I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
