At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
