at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
