Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
