Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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