I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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