In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
