I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
