I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize