i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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