I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Found the puke drawer
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
